Apple Unveils Phone Powerful Enough to Open Contractor’s 97-Megabyte Estimate

Satire / Fiction. The events and dialogue in this article are invented.

A fictional technology keynote reached its emotional peak Tuesday when a presenter opened a contractor’s 97-megabyte estimate without first asking everyone else to disconnect from the Wi-Fi.

The demonstration displayed all eighty-four pages, including twenty-six photographs of the same drain and a company logo apparently exported at billboard resolution.

“We believe a proposal should open before the proposed roof needs replacing,” the presenter told an audience of contractors, several of whom immediately requested a fax number.

The breakthrough was short-lived. In the final moments of the event, the contractor sent a revised attachment with one additional photo. The auditorium went silent.