Elon Musk Promises Mars Colony Before Roofer Finishes ‘Quick Estimate’

Satire / Fiction. The events and dialogue in this article are invented.

Humanity’s first permanent settlement on Mars is expected to open shortly before a roofing contractor sends over the estimate he described as “basically done,” according to an entirely fictional briefing.

The estimator confirmed that the proposal was awaiting only final measurements, updated supplier pricing and a file named FINAL_v7_ACTUAL_FINAL.xlsx.

Engineers said creating a self-sustaining civilization on another planet would require unprecedented advances in propulsion, agriculture and life support. The contractor said he also had a lot going on.

At press time, the colony had established a school, elected a mayor and submitted three follow-up emails. The estimate remained on someone’s desktop.