Roofing Company Attracts Swifties After Promising ‘Exclusive Leaks’

Satire / Fiction. The events and dialogue in this article are invented.

A local roofing company briefly became the most exciting destination in pop music Tuesday after advertising “exclusive leaks” and “unreleased footage from the roof.”

Fans reportedly arrived wearing friendship bracelets and demanding access to the vault, which the receptionist explained was actually a locked cabinet containing warranty paperwork.

“We have something dropping at midnight,” an estimator announced, referring to the forecast and a ceiling tile in the break room.

By noon, the company had sold no maintenance agreements but had received 4,800 requests for a deluxe edition of its inspection report. The owner is now considering a second location, pending the release of the first estimate.